Almost 3 months back, when I had started this blog, I had
written an article about how I had become tired of trying to make good things
happen to me. Especially when I met with failure every time I tried. Life had
become all about reaching the milestones that were considered desirable by
society, or by my peer group. And I had lost the ability to live in the moment,
to appreciate the ‘every-day’ good things, because I kept waiting for the ‘big’
good things to happen.
This trimester I had resolved to sit back and savour what I
already had. And to wait for the ‘big’ good things to find their way towards
me. And they did. Good things happened to me, least when I expected them to
happen. And what made them all the more special was the fact that I wasn’t
waiting in anticipation for them to happen. Allow me to explain. I was fine
before they happened to me, really. I wasn’t waiting for them to happen to
change my life. No. Before they happened, I was just fine, my life was just fine.
And then they happened. In fact, they crept in to my life so stealthily that I
wasn’t aware of them until they were well into the process of happening. And
when they happened, my life didn’t change around its axis. No. I wasn’t sad
before but for a very very long time, I had forgotten what being happy felt
like. The kind of happiness that made you giddy and breathless had proved
elusive for so long! The kind of happiness that you just can’t regret even if
things go awfully downhill later.
I have always believed that happiness is not a phase in
life. If asked, I can very easily point out the sad/trying phases in my life.
But I have been the happiest in my life in moments. Yes, I am a firm believer
in the theory that happiness lies in moments. Tiny fleeting moments which often
don’t register when they are happening. But on a long lonely evening, when one
gets the opportunity to sit back and take stock of life, these are the moments
that stand out. Moments, which, if could be crystallized would be like old photographs,
the kind which were probably taken without one's knowledge but which somehow
managed to capture that tiny part of one's soul that one never knew existed.
Moments that are like twinkling fairy lights in a dark room. Or like a wash of
stars in a moonless night. Yes, those are the moments that one will always look
for in retrospect, not the long endless nights when sleep had proved elusive
nor the never ending listless days when things had not gone the way one wanted
them to go.
How can one grudge oneself such moments when they are so
few and far between and difficult to come by? For in long lonely cold nights,
what will keep one company are not doubts and insecurities. No. The only source
of comfort will be these moments in time when one had felt warm and
comfortable. Safe and content. Happy. And one can never be thankful enough when one
gets the privilege to add some such moments to the collage of life’s
memories.
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